So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
