I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
