I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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