You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
