just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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