i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
