She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
