ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
