OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
