I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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