Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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