Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
