Quick, to the slutcave!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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