someone get that fucking seahorse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
