beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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