just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
