Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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