I wanna bring you to show and tell
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
