Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
