my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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