i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i now understand why vodka
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
