Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
