This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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