blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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