then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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