we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
