He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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