Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
