margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
