true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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