I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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