from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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