I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
