How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
