I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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