He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
