I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
