I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
