Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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