he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
