Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
