i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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