I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
