remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
