I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
