When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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