I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
