i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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