last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
