this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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