some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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