this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
