When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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