Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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