would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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