I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
