i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
