i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
