Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
