Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will be naked everywhere
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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