my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
