I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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