Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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