Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Text me some of your sweat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
