the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
