My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
