that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
