I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
