I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize