Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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