Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
