Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
