You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
worst night to have a conscience
I love having hate sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
