Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
