Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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